I'll bet she douches with gravy.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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