I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
