Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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