My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
