Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
