i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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