I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
