this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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