You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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