tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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