My cat gives me a boner
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
