Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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