How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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