I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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