Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
