Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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