when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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