i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
