I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
