Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
