okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
