I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
