the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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