Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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