Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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