I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I need to stop coming to work sober
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
