We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
