He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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