I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
