Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
