I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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