you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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