and you said cock pushups were impossible
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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