4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
