can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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