he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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