the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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