We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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