yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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