I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize