Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
