Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
