somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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