a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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