i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
