you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My breasts were aching with rage.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
