i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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