Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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