You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
...so i touched it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
