Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
