If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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