we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
