you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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