I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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