Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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