I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
