So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
