Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
