I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
